Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
