My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so let's talk penis.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
