he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize