His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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