I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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