I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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