I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
