You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
