So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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