just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
