It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
