you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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