I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
