he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
