she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
