I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
