Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
