His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize