it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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