Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
