some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
