If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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