Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
