1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
