i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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