you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
