Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
