you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
