i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize