garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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