what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
