i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
