so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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