Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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