Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you never un-have a 4some
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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