You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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