Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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