your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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