got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
