you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
