Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
