I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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