Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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