Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
