ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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