her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
