Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
