The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
