I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
