I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
