reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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