I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
