only you would photoshop your dick
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
