i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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