Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
