love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
