I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
