guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
