apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
