You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
