Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
