is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
