yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
