Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
