Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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