If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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