I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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