I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
we should paint friendship bongs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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