so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
