toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
