My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
