The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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