who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
