That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
