She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
