I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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