We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
