if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
two words: eviction party
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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