you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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