I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
